Come fly with me

09/10/06

Another year, another flight to a country where i can´t speak the language. I had managed to master "obregado" but being able to say thank you when unable to ask a question or order a meal has it´s limitations. However, this time i had somewhere to stay and someone waiting so last years panic attack was not forthcoming.

I arrived at Heathrow 3 1/2 hours before the flight assuming this would give me enough time to check-in and swig a bottle of chablis at the oyster bar. Air Canada promptly informed me that my flight had engine trouble but i could leave on the 1pm, this is airline speak for we´ve over-booked your flight and are lying to people to bump them forward. Sailed through the "security" checks feeling much safer because no one had a bottle of water on them. The fact that you could by lighters and 60% alcohol in duty free seemed mildly disconcerting - surely a molotov cocktail is more dangerous than evian?

Anyway, the chablis was forgotten and i was comfortably sitting on the plane within an hour of arriving at Heathrow. The flight was half empty so i had four seats to myself, not bad. I think it was half empty because Air Canada must be the only inter-continental airline left that doesn´t have inflight entertainment on the back of each seat. Oh well, i-pod, plus book, plus the comfort of being able to lie down seemed a reasonable compromise. Arrived on schedule 7 1/2 hours later. Toronto.

You have to go through customs and immigration, but that took less than 20 minutes and then drop your bag off again and wonder what on earth your going to do in an airport for 6 hours. Well booze and fags sprang to mind. Checked-in, passed security and found a bar. No-smoking. Bollocks. Infact there´s no smoking in the entire airport. This meant after every couple of lagers you had to pass back through security, exit said airport, chainsmoke a couple and pass back though security to get to the bar.You would think security would wonder why, maybe even question someone, who kept re-entering but no.

The third trip in i realised the world had gone mad. The first two trips i´d had to hand in my lighter. the third trip, though, i was informed security restrictions had just been relaxed and if you put your lighter in a plastic zip bag it was perfectly safe to take on the plane. The requisite guffawing with laughter occurred and this time i was quetioned, i explained the reason for my hilarity and my lighter was promptly confiscated. The fourth trip, new lighter in bag, i kept quiet. I imagine selling lighters in Toronto is a seriously profitable business.

Arrived in Brazil. Knackered. Taxi to Luciana´s, coffee and all is right with the world. I would discuss the food, weather, etc but it´s a Monday morning and most of you are working, so i´ll leave that for tomorrow.