Once upon a time in a land far far away a young man, Edward Arnott, sighted a young lady, Jayne Gorell Barnes, across a crowded party. The young man pursued this innocent creature relentlessly. The grand parents, of said damsel, were so fearful they sent her away to Paris. The young man followed. Paris is a romantic city, perhaps if they'd picked a lesser and more remote place one thing wouldn't have led to another. One thing led to another. Wedding bells rang, alarm bells rang and my future, although someway off, was wrote.
They lived happily for several years, they loved, they laughed they cried and then they thought fuck it let's have a baby. Brilliant. They didn't ponder the hardships i'd have thrust upon me they just started shagging - ALOT! Then one fateful day i proved to be the strongest swimmer and reached my prize - that egg. Oops. The first and only time i've ever one a race of that nature. I had a wonderful first 9 months in a very cosy accomodation with all mod cons. I ate, i drank, i slept (alot) and then completely against my will i was propelled into this world. I arrived at 8.00 am on 15th of February 1969. I pissed on the doctor and ordered breakfast. Unfortunately, no one understood my request for scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee so i started to cry. Thus ends part one of the life and times of an extremely deprived James Arnott.
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